A Chocolate Donut

September 24, 2007

10 Days

Filed under: death, family, life — Wizus @ 9:48 am

It has been 10 days since Dad died.  I have been trying to write something about him every since, but the words are not coming to me.    What an odd phenomenon!  I have something to say about everything…even if its not the right thing to say at least it is something.  Through the years I have learned when it is appropriate to speak up and when it is best to keep my words to myself, but I can use one hand to count the number of times I have experienced speechlessness.  Dad, on the other hand, always said exactly what he was thinking.  He had an opinion on every subject and he would tell anyone what that opinion was.   He blurted out all his thoughts no matter if it was politically correct or not.  Think Archie Bunker, and you will know a lot about my dad.

He spent his entire life tormented by the memory of his childhood.  He was a little German boy raised by Polish Catholic nuns in a Buffalo orphanage during WWII.  All those adjectives are important as he spoke of these facts until the end.  The last few years of his life he spent his time researching and looking up the people from the boy’s home.  “Why wasn’t I put in the German orphanage?”, he wanted to know.   He became a staunch Athiest and was afraid of the finality of death.  His hopelessness broke my heart. 

He was mostly deaf in his right ear, he said it happened when he was about 6 years old when a nun slapped him on the side of his head which caused his eardrum to burst and bleed.  I cannot recall exactly what he had done to “deserve” this punishment.  It may have been the night he snuck down to the kitchen to find some food.  The kitchen was locked but he found cake in the garbage.   He said he remembered the cake was delicious and could not understand why it was thrown out.  That event may have been what triggered his lifelong obsession with dumpster diving. He loved to bring home the treasures he found and as a kid I didn’t know any different. The used toys he would bring us were more fun that no toys. Heck, I got my first skateboard by climbing into the storm drain and finding one that someone had lost to the road gutter.  Dad was proud!

There is much more to say of this man that lived for only 74 years, he really did a lot with his life and to me it is all amazing.   Dad had cancer for over 10 years, but death is still a shock. I will have more words later.



  1. Oh, Isuz, I’m so sorry for your loss. Even when you know it’s coming, it’s still something that takes you by surprise. I know it hurts and leaves cloudyness in your thoughts and actions.

    Some 17 years after my Dad died from cancer I find that my memories of that whole year after he died are a bit fuzzy. It isn’t an open wound for me anymore and time has eased how touchy that sore is.

    Good luck in your life and if you ever need a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear, I offer mine.

    Comment by cmmg — September 24, 2007 @ 9:43 pm

  2. Izus, It is ok not to have the words you need yet, that will all come in time. And we will be here with listening ears “eyes?” when that time comes. Until then, much love to you and your family during this time!

    Comment by shellssells — September 25, 2007 @ 7:57 am

  3. I don’t think it is possible to ever be prepared for it, no matter how much time one has to come to terms with death.
    Thank you for sharing the stories about your dad. I hope to hear more when you can. I pass on thoughts of strength and support to you and your family.

    Comment by savasana — September 25, 2007 @ 6:38 pm

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