A Chocolate Donut

Fibromyalgia sucks

In 2005, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia.   It was not an easy diagnosis for the doctor to make. It seems it is the disease you have if the doctor cannot figure out what is wrong with you. First I had to endure plenty of lab work, MRI’s, xrays, and other scans. I had seen a neurologist, an internist, an endocrinologist, and a psychologist that specialized in sleep disorders.  I was relieved when I had a name to go with the problems I was having but I don’t think I accepted it.  Not right away.  At the time I felt as though the doctor was giving me the diagnosis just to give me one.  Already ruled out were MS, Lupus, Anemia, Rheumatoid Arthritis, brain tumor…you name it, I was probably tested for it! 

I had only heard of fibromyalgia once before from a woman I had worked with years before. The description of the pain she had suffered and what I was feeling wasn’t the same.  I came home and did some research on it. There are many symptoms and most suffers have them at different degrees. The most disturbing news of all…there is no cure. 

No one even knows what the cause is.   I would have to learn how to “cope” with it.  The first thing I learned is I would just have to accept the fact that I would always have the daily pain, fatigue, sleeplessness and the most frustrating symptom of all, impaired memory and concentration.   It isn’t that hard to deal with, mostly because before the diagnosis I had been coping with it for some time.  I guess the hard part was realizing I would always have it.  It was not going away.

I still cannot accept that I have to change my lifestyle.  A few months prior to this diagnosis I had just participated in my first half-marathon (YAY me!).  I planned to re-coup and run a full-marathon the next year.  It is the main reason I was, once again, seeking advice from the doctors.  I had a lot of pain after the race, and it was not going away.  I needed some answers so I could heal and continue my training.  As an active person I always assumed the pain and fatigued I suffered had to do with “over-doing” it.   I could always rationalize the symptoms: Working out too hard, pushing myself to run just one more lap, doing just one more rep with the weights. That would cause your muscles to ache, wouldn’t it? I would stay up late to work on projects, get housework done or just to watch a movie without the kids interupting. That would make anyone tired, right?  The pain I had after the race, I had assumed, was just pain from over doing it.  Maybe I hadn’t trained hard enough, maybe I did this race too soon, maybe I just wasn’t ready? 

Jump ahead two years later and I still cannot run without having the same pain. I cannot train to run another marathon but I cannot stop thinking about it either.  I think to myself, if I just sign up for one I would have to train and I will do it!  Then I remember, I cannot run. My body had failed me and my brain needs to catch up.

I am mourning for the person I used to be. 

Update: Goodnight
Update: Lab Rat
Update: Feeling good with fibro…

4 Comments »

  1. […] Fibromyalgia sucks […]

    Pingback by The first 42 years « A Chocolate Donut — September 3, 2007 @ 3:13 pm

  2. […] Fibromyalgia sucks […]

    Pingback by Lab Rat « A Chocolate Donut — September 3, 2007 @ 3:27 pm

  3. […] I have one or 2 people read my post  ”Fibromyalgia sucks”. The search term “fibromyalgia” is in my blog stats everyday and I wonder, how many […]

    Pingback by Feeling good with fibro…it can happen! « A Chocolate Donut — October 29, 2007 @ 3:42 pm

  4. Hi- This is a bit strange. I just began my own blog adn have never blog surfed and here was the fisrt place I landed. The strange part is that I am a coach and do some of my work with people with arthritis and physical challenges. So go figure!?!?

    So my very best to you with this new fandagle machine!
    Sweet Dreams,
    Bette

    Comment by Yolo...You Only Live Once Coach — November 7, 2007 @ 8:05 pm


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